14 - Temperance

Balance, Moderation, Boundless Chill, The Golden Mean Fallacy, And He Mixes A Pretty Solid Martini

Temperance should be a bartender. Here's why I think it's funny: bartenders have a sort of cultural assocation with the idea of a neutral, relaxed bystander who will listen to your stories while casually wiping down a glass - this is rarely the case in reality, but it certainly has developed as a narrative trope. However, "temperance" is also a movement that started by trying to discourage folks from drinking too much and ended up growing into a movement calling for complete abstinence from drinking, which actually isn't a very good example of temperance. Temperance is about balance, not absolutes.

There's no card for Abstinence, because (checks notes) that would be lame.

Anyways, that's kinda given Temperance the impression of being the virtue of being a wet blanket, when - at worst, they're just being practical. Temperance can drink alcohol, but Temperance drinks water, too, so that they don't get a nasty hangover the next day, and they only have a glass or two. That's good for today. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Temperance can get a little wild at parties, because they respect that even moderation must be enjoyed in moderation, but most days they don't drink at all.

Temperance eats a lot of vegetables. Temperance has a gym membership. Temperance washes the bedsheets with the laundry. Temperence pays their bills on time. Temperance has their shit together. Temperance is a goddamn adult.